


A New Woman

by Hopelesslygazingthestars



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: F/F, Happily Ever After, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Love Confessions, Love Realization, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:47:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24221560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hopelesslygazingthestars/pseuds/Hopelesslygazingthestars
Summary: Post Series Finale, an exploration into Annalise and Tegan's reconciliation after the trial. A look toward a future for the new woman Annalise becomes.
Relationships: Annalise Keating/Tegan Price
Comments: 47
Kudos: 135





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've got many feelings after the phenomenal finale. Firstly, give Viola Davis all the awards, every award there is - she deserves it. Although, the entire cast were phenomenal. Amirah Vann bought Tegan to life so magically and I'm gonna miss her almost as much as Annalise.  
> Secondly, I was once a ride or die Annalise/Eve shipper but Tegan came along and I was okay with her departure. Though that speech at the end was absolutely perfect.  
> I choose to believe Annalise went off and lived a happy life with Tegan, and Eve and her continued to be friends.  
> Lastly, enjoy my lil fic about what I would like to have happened after.

Annalise Keating was dead. All the things that made her that woman were gone, all the people too.

Sam, Eve, Wes, Asher, Conner, Oliver, Michaela, Laurel, Christopher… Frank and Bonnie.

Of them all, there was none more loyal, more _loved,_ than Frank and Bonnie. They were a makeshift family that battled everything together, whether they were on good terms or not. To watch them die in her arms was the worst heartbreak she had experienced.

Frank, who never had any hope from the beginning, and despite his darkest sides, he wanted to be good. Frank was the one person who wanted to give love more than anyone she knew. He loved her, he loved them all in the capacity he knew how. The damaged boy looking for love wherever he went. Annalise hoped she gave him that.

Then there was Bonnie. There was no Annalise without Bonnie, she was everything; a friend, a carer, a soulmate, a motherless child, a childless mother. Those sad eyes and soft voice would haunt her for the rest of her days.

Amidst her grief, the only solace she found was at least Bonnie and Frank left the world together. To leave one to grieve the other would have been worse to watch. More than that, they would never have to suffer again. Although, God and the universe were entirely unfair in never allowing them a moment of peace; an eternity of peace might be better. Frank was too ruined, and Bonnie too broken by this world.

Yes, Annalise Keating was dead.

If it was not for her mother, and all the work she had done to survive, to beat the string of murders, to protect the ones she loved, to escape a death penalty and a conviction for murders she did not commit, she would have flung herself from the balcony of her penthouse apartment.

She was entirely empty and desperately lonely, in a way she had never been before.

“I saw that your lady friend, Tegan, came knockin’ again today…” Ophelia Harkness enquired as she was tucked into bed.

“Momma don’t start with me.”

“Just as I come ‘round the idea of you lovin’ women, and when you got a good one ready to love you, you wanna push her away. She ain’t gonna keep knocking forever, eventually she’ll leave you behind.” She protested.

Although Tegan had helped her with the funerals, Anna began to distance from her after the events of the trial. Then, when there was nothing left to do, only thoughts of how to live again after such loss, she tried to let Tegan go completely. She rejected more calls than she took, made more excuses to not see her and allowed loneliness to become the friend she was.

“What do I have to give her except grief Momma?”

“I swear sometimes, Annamae, you just don’t want to be happy.”

Shortly after the funerals, she had decided she was not returning to Middleton, teaching like nothing happened was unimaginable, and would not return to C&G despite her exoneration. After many days of solitude, with only her mother and sister for company, they finally had discussed what was next. Today, she considered returning to Memphis with Celeste and her mother, but even that felt like reversal instead of moving on. However, she knew she could not remain in Philadelphia.

“I _do_ want to be happy. We spoke about moving on today didn’t we?”

Ophelia caressed her cheek as she did when she was a little girl.

“You can’t mourn forever, baby. I know you blame yourself for what happened to those two wayward puppies of yours, but it was not your fault. You have been punished enough. You deserve some joy.”

Her mother’s words played around her mind in the darkness of night. Sleep evaded her as thoughts of loneliness and moving on plagued her. In the end, she pulled out her phone.

Her fingers hovered over her contacts.

_Eve._

No. Despite Eve’s missed calls, she could not rehash feelings of the past, could not pull her out of the happiness she had found, to once again, cry on her shoulder. She meant what she said before, Eve deserved love and happiness with someone that could give it to her, and someone that hadn’t bought her so much pain and heartbreak. Annamae, Annalise, _Anna -_ this strange hybrid she was now, would always love Eve Rothlo. For that, it was enough to continue to scroll.

_Nate._

No. They had their final words after her trial, there was nothing left for them. The pain she felt, he likely felt too but she knew it was a recipe for disaster to find comfort in him. There was nothing more to be said or sought for between them, only sadness and pain.

_Robert._

He was nice enough and she had even found a moment of enjoyment in his company. He was not frightened by the prospect of someone with such baggage, he offered to carry it with her even. Although she admired his perseverance, she did not want his comfort or love, he was safe in a way Sam had been once, prior to the madness that transpired in a web of chaos. She would not travel that road again.

_Tegan._

Her finger itched to press the green button beside the name. Tegan Price, the formidable managing director and lawyer of C&G. Annalise had known about Tegan’s feelings long before the confession came, it was in the soft way she looked at her, the gentle way she dealt with her, it was love. Still, Tegan put what Annalise needed first, pushed aside her feelings and gave her a friend she could rely on amidst a world of deceit. With it all, Tegan had seen the devil inside and found beauty in Annalise. When she had revealed Annamae as well, Tegan had loved her too, accepted it all. Tegan was true safety.

Somewhere in between the craziness her life became, the sassy and charming younger lawyer had crept her way into Anna’s heart with her infectious joyfulness and resolute support and all-around brilliance. Tegan impressed Annalise both as an ambitious professional and as a _good_ person, something she had not seen in so long, that her own feelings yearned for the honey-skinned woman, only Annalise had been better at hiding it.

Anna knew she herself deserved things too, deserved love, especially after everything, but it was a fear of hers that she might break this wonderful woman’s heart. She would not survive ruining Tegan. She had soiled and broken Eve’s heart, though Eve returned again and again, there was a lesson to be had in the loss of that great love.

 _Love._ That was scariest of all, for she had fought tooth and nail to never feel it again after Sam, after Nate. Loving hurt beyond measure, and so soon to losing love; Wes, Frank, Bonnie – Anna was terrified for and of Tegan.

Despite her worries, she pressed the ring button.

As it rang, she realised the time it was, 3:07am, and was just about to hang up before that voice she had yearned for picked up.

“ _Annalise?”_

Confusion was evident in her voice. It was understandable, not simply because of the late hour but because Anna had been essentially hiding from her for weeks now. Last they spoke, Tegan accepted her resignation without protest despite the tears in her eyes, accepted her distance as Anna rejected call after call.

“I’m sorry I-”

She wasn’t sure exactly what she had called for, only that she needed to speak, and hear a reassuring voice.

“Are you alright?” Tegan wondered softly, sensing the loss in her silence.

She sighed because she didn’t really know how to answer that. She was still overcome with grief, but the world continued to turn, she was looking for a future yet still reflecting the past. She was a mixture of every emotion there could be, but how to articulate that?

“I’m lonely…” She admitted, willing Tegan to understand.

 _‘I’m alone without the others, and I’m lonely without you.’_ Were the words on the tip of her tongue she did not yet have the strength to say.

“…This place is filled with ghosts and I guess- I, I, -”

It was Tegan’s turn to sigh now as Anna stuttered over her words. Although, it wasn’t clear if it was because of the conversation or being pulled out of sleep.

“Let me come over.” Tegan settled on.

“No, no, I can’t ask you to do that, you’ve already endured so much for and because me.” Anna rushed out.

It was a wonder Tegan had any kindness left for her, there is only so much rejection one could take.

“Make up your mind Annalise. What do you want from me? I offered you my heart and you said you didn’t want it. I’ve offered you my friendship and now it seems you don’t want that either-”

“No wait, my mother and Celeste are still here...” Her voice drifted off, left it open for Tegan to find another way.

She felt embarrassed by her actions, and this call felt incredibly like crawling back, tail tucked between her legs. She knew she was the one making it difficult for the both of them, for friendship or otherwise. She wondered if her mother was right, in that she just did not want to be happy, wondered if she made it that way, or maybe even liked it that way.

“Do you want me to come pick you up and bring you here?”

She nearly protested, but was this not exactly what she wanted, a salve to her loneliness, warmth in her heart after so long?

“Yes.”

Surprisingly, it did not take long for the message to come that Tegan was outside. In the time since the call ended, Anna had taken to sitting in the mirror trying to put herself together. It had been a while since Tegan had seen her and she had changed so much in that time. Something in her wanted to be seen as attractive by Tegan. She feared she would not be, for surely the attributes Tegan had fallen for had died with Annalise Keating.

When the second text came, Annalise propelled into action and finally made it to Tegan’s Mercedes.

Tegan was still as beautiful as ever, even with her scarf-covered head and makeup free face. Though, it was her eyes Anna always liked best, expressive in ways that pulled at her heartstrings. Thus, when she looked into them for the first time, they evoked such emotion in her that tears came to her own eyes, and it was clear in those captivating dark orbs, that she was as shocked at Anna’s behaviour.

“Annalise, are you alright?”

Tegan watched her curiously, although she was unable to disguise the relief that had passed across her features at first sight.

Anna nodded, not trusting her voice to speak.

In the end, Tegan pulled her into a tight embrace and Anna felt herself fall into it and held onto her as if _she_ was the one slipping away.

“I’ve missed you.” She whispered, forcing herself to reveal her thoughts. Something in Tegan’s hold told her this might be a final chance for something.

Eventually, they parted, taking a moment to observe one another in the darkness before Tegan moved to drive.

Whilst Tegan drove, uncharacteristically silent, Anna stole glances out the corner of her eye at the other woman. There were slight bags under her eyes, her lips downturned and a frown across her brows. She was deep in thought in a way she had only seen a few times, always involving discussions about Cora. In the quiet, Anna wondered if Tegan had gone back to her ex-wife or if there was someone else in the picture. Tegan had no reason to wait for her to come around, especially when she had offered her love and Anna told her she could not give her the same. Despite that knowledge, pangs of jealousy flared in her chest at the thought of someone else having Tegan’s love.

She wondered if her call was a mistake. She had called in hopes of pushing away loneliness but hadn’t expected to end up at Tegan’s house, battling feelings of imagined jealousy and thoughts of _love_.

Her concerns were put at bay somewhat as Tegan led them into her apartment, hand entwined with her own in a different way than they had ever done before.

When they entered her apartment, Anna noticed that not much had changed, it still looked too clean and showed Tegan spent more time at work than at home. It was a beautifully unlived in home.

She followed her to the kitchen and Tegan rummaged around her cupboards, her lack of time there, more evident in her search.

“Still doing late nights at the office?” It was both a question and a statement.

Tegan didn’t deny it and offered a short shrug in response.

“You didn’t come here to talk about work, or a world you have no wish to be a part of.”

She placed water on the counter between them. Anna hated that her lawyer’s mind would never change, she would always notice body language and read further into a person than another probably wished she could read.

Since entering the apartment, Tegan had unlinked their digits, placed an island between them, continued fidgeting around after pouring them each water. Anna’s presence in her space made her nervous.

“Then why am I here?”

She knew she was no longer Annalise Keating, had no desire to be, but to discover a new self with everything in her past was proving more difficult than she expected. In the many long lonely days and nights that she endured after her departure from Annalise, she grew to understand what she was not, but what she was going to be was still a mystery to her. Thus, this night’s actions made little sense to her.

“You are tired of being alone.” Tegan stated with a confidence her eyes did not hold, as she looked away at anywhere but Anna.

She sighed and nodded though Tegan could not see it.

“I don’t think I’ll be staying in Philly for much longer.” She revealed.

Tegan looked up at her then, eyes glistening with unshed tears, the same expression she had on her face when Annalise handed her a letter of resignation those months ago.

“I suppose there is nothing left here for you then.”

There was accusation laced in her voice, though it was clear there was no malice, more hurt than anything.

“There’s too many ghosts everywhere I go. Sometimes I think I see Bonnie when I walk past the courthouse, or Frank when I drive past the gym… or Wes, or Asher, or those damn kids, when I’m near Middleton.” She explained.

“That’s what it felt like when I lost my family too…”

Tegan had lost as much as she had, and somehow pieced herself together and moved on. For all Tegan admired about Annalise, she admired her equally for the strength in her. It made her want to be around her. She regretted not saying that back, when she should have. However, she knew had she said it then, Tegan or herself would have done something that neither of them were ready for.

“…It’s amazing the torture your own mind can put you through, someone with a similar skin tone or hairstyle or walk, and your forget all you know, and for a second, you hope the person will turn around and it will be them. ”

Tegan rarely spoke about her own losses, but it was clear this night she could not escape her demons either.

“And yet, _every_ time, you are still disappointed when it’s not them.” Anna responded.

“Sometimes the office feels like it’s full of ghosts too.” Tegan admitted.

Her dark eyes met hers then, a million unspoken words in them, a look Anna had seen many times before. There was a desperate yearning and longing in them that Anna felt too. All other times, Annalise would divert the conversation to something distracting, except this time, she was not that woman anymore. Now, she was the woman who wanted.

“Tegan…”

However, it seemed Tegan had become the buffer between them and their feelings.

“It is okay to leave behind a ghost town, it’s okay to move on and seek happiness, you shouldn’t be tied down to a place filled with so much sorrow, Annalise. It’s okay.”

The hurt in her eyes indicated it was everything but ok.

“What about you?” Anna wondered.

“What about me?”

She was deflecting, playing her cards close to her chest and Anna hated that her actions had caused Tegan to be careful with her feelings and heart around her.

“What happens to you when I go?” She clarified.

Tegan looked at a loss despite her surety in assuring Anna to leave. Her mouth opened and closed a few times before any words came.

“You left me before, and I was fine then too.” Anger slithered into her voice and Anna looked away from her piercing eyes.

She had left, disappeared without a single goodbye to the friend that loved her. Too much had been going on at that time, but it did not mean Tegan did not get to be angry about it, then or now.

They were friends of course, but they were more too, there were feelings involved and they had not recognised one another as mere friends for a long time. It would be foolish to pretend now, that this was all it was; one friend saying goodbye to another.

“I’m sorry I left you. I’m sorry I’ve continued to push you away… sometimes my head and my heart are at war with each other, and I do what I’m doing now, I pull you to me, want to hold on for dear life and then push you away without letting you go either.”

Once the first apology came, the following words fell out with quickened procession. There were months, maybe even years of built up feelings to proclaim.

Tegan’s eyebrows were raised in surprise, then dropped in response to whatever following thoughts swirled behind her dark eyes. Her mouth opened and closed wordlessly.

Anna bridged the distance between them and came to stand in front of Tegan.

“What are you saying?”

Anna took the hand rested on the countertop and caressed it as she thought on the question.

What was she saying?

“I’ve been confused about my feelings towards you. I thought it was nothing more than attraction, a deep friendship. I convinced myself that, even if it was love, there was no point because I did not how to love properly. I ruined things with Eve and Nate. My denial, my grief, my demons have toyed with me and in turn I have toyed with you. I want you close Tegan. I’m saying that I don’t want to leave you again.”

Anna breathed out like the words had been a heavy weight to bear for months and years.

Tegan searched for the truth in her eyes and a sad smile fell upon her face. She wanted nothing more than to kiss it away.

“I’ve spent months dreaming about a moment in which you come to me and tell me everything I’ve ever want to hear. You know I am in love with you, you knew it long before I said it. Except, even now, I hear your words and I don’t know if they mean you love me too.” She explained with worry etched across her features.

Anna could comprehend why Tegan was cautious with her, rejection tends to do that to people. Tegan had every reason to question her and it was only with every query raised that Anna realised exactly what reaching out to Tegan had been about.

“I’m lonely and have never been more alone than right now. I am grieving, will probably grieve for the rest of my life but…”

She took her chin and held her gaze.

“…Tegan, I love you. I _want_ to love you, and try for you, and for me. All I’ve been filled with for so long are negative emotions, yet with you there is so much joy. You are my joy and I know if I leave this city, no matter where I go, yours will be the face that haunts me the most. You’ll be the one that got away.”

Brown eyes melted at the confession. Although, Tegan remained stiff, formal, like she was with everyone else. But that was not how she was supposed to be with Anna, and it killed her. Again, she reached for her hand, pleasantly surprised the smaller woman allowed it.

“How can I be assured that you actually want me because you want me, and not because you’re lonely and grief-stricken?” Her voice was tight and her eyes wet.

Anna felt nauseous with guilt.

“I wanted you before I was lonely. I just-”

Tegan’s gaze demanded so much honesty, and even now, even with her, Anna still found it difficult to lay herself bare.

“I was afraid…” she admitted lowering her voice and lifting a hand to a soft cheek.

“Everything was so chaotic, where did love fit in all that mess? Then the trial and losing Frank and Bonnie, it just seemed so clear to me that everyone I loved either died or ended up in ruin. I didn’t want to do that to you.”

She nodded with every word, willing Tegan to understand.

She was quiet for longer than Anna expected and something in her eyes, something akin to defeat swirled, propelled Anna into desperation.

She ducked her head forward, leaning close enough to feel the shorter woman’s breath on her cheek. She watched Tegan’s eyes close, despite the frown across her brows. She lingered there a moment, allowing the option to back out. When she felt Tegan’s hand come to rest at her waist it was all the go ahead she needed. Fingers at her jaw, Anna bought her _just_ in contact with her lips. It could almost have been platonic, that kiss, if it hadn’t been for the ignited flame between them that surged them forward.

It was passion and fire, all the things each of them were, yet soft and reassuring, everything their relationship was. In the few minutes of kissing and hands wandering ever so slowly Anna felt her heart hammer in a way it had not done since Eve.

Just as she allowed the tip of her tongue brush again Tegan’s, Tegan stopped her, putting a finger over her mouth, and drawing a breath that had the hints of a tremble in it.

When their eyes met, Anna’s already laboured breath caught in her throat. She marvelled at the woman in front of her, wondered how someone so beautiful inside and out, could love her.

Eventually, Tegan broke the silence that had settled between them.

“What do you really want?” Tegan asked, mirroring Anna’s own words in response to her confession, seemingly long ago.

Annalise smiled at the twinkle in Tegan’s eyes, teasing yet deadly serious.

“Love. I want to give that to you. I want to attempt to make you happy. I want to be what you deserve… and although, I can’t promise you it will be easy –”

Tegan threw her head back in her tinkling laugh.

“I’ll fall, and fail, and want to run when I’m afraid, but Tegan, I want to learn to love. I want to love _you_ and I want joy.”

The next time they kissed, there was no mistaking it for anything remotely close to friendly. Tegan held her against the counter and swallowed all her words; her apologies, her confessions and her hopes.

Annalise, Annamae, Anna – it did not matter who she was, for her entire being, whatever version existed, loved Tegan Price, and with her she saw a future, something she had not hoped for in so very long.


	2. A New Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tegan reflects on love and finds the kind she was looking for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't help but give Tegan's perspective, the story did not feel complete without it.

** A New Love  **

Tegan Price had never been lucky in love. Finding and holding onto real, true, love, never came easily. As a teenager she navigated the complicated world of sexuality as young people do, but _love_ , that was difficult to grasp. There was always something in the way; her sexuality – God, had she fallen in love with enough straight women to last her several lifetimes – her education, her ambition; or someone better suited to loving the person she cared for.

Eventually, _finally_ , love did stick. Cora Duncan stole her breath and heart away, with a single pointed look. They met on a job, their two fields intersected, and Tegan had sworn the universe intended them to be together. The stunning then-intern swooped in all confidence, flirtation and ambition. Tegan fell hard and fast. They were married within months of meeting because Tegan found a love she never thought she would have. Yet, from the beginning, Cora competed with Tegan’s ambition. There had been restricted room for love _and_ success, and in the end, Tegan chose Jorge Castillo and a career, and Cora found Patrick.

For long after, even as she spent night after night in the office, compensating for her loneliness with work, she hoped that when her goals and success were achieved, Cora and she would find their way back to one another. Even when they went their separate ways, Tegan refused to sign the divorce papers, never wanting to deal with the fact she had chosen ambition over love.

Then, Annalise Keating came along, a hurricane in human form, that made her feel _everything_. No lawyer worth half a damn did not know Annalise, the formidable lawyer and professor. If she was admirable from afar, up close she was magical.

Tegan’s feelings developed from the very first moment she set eyes on her at C&G. It did not seem to matter which position Tegan found herself in, opposition, colleague, boss; she became near addicted to being around Annalise. Except, as she observed the people around the fearsome woman, it was clear she was not the only way who felt that way. Everyone in her life was seemingly in love with her in some capacity; Emmett, Nate, Bonnie, even the wayward students that perpetually dragged her into their messes. There was something about her survival through every hell thrown at her that was fascinating. It made each person in proximity want to latch on and be shielded by her.

Yet, it was vividly clear from the first hello, _love_ was a million times more arduous for Annalise. She had baggage to rival cargo aircrafts and battled those demons every single day. For this reason, for so long, Tegan attempted to keep her distance. Except, despite having been an overachiever since childhood, she found the one thing she wasn’t good at was controlling her feelings for Annalise. She repressed and denied her apparently obvious feelings, nearly everyone seemed to see through her façade. Working alongside the frighteningly adept lawyer proved to be an increasingly difficult challenge from day to day, and case to case.

Tegan fought against every lingering gaze, brief touch and tense moment. There were times she looked at the darker-skinned beauty and couldn’t breathe for how badly she wished kiss her, hold her, _love_ her. Still, she offered herself as a friend, entire soul bared to a woman famously known for manipulating people to their destruction. As predicted, that friendship did result in Tegan being in more than one compromising position. However, if she was honest with herself, she had a major part to play in the positions she found herself in. Becoming Jane Doe, cleaning up every puddle on the floor left by Annalise’s lost puppies… sleeping with a corrupt FBI agent; Tegan had walked into the storm after Annalise _every_ time.

Somewhere between a harrowing case, a tragic tragedy and a battle for freedom, Tegan fell deeper and more desperate than ever. And it was _love._ The kind she had dreamt of as a little girl. She admired, close to worshiped, Annalise’s magnificent problem-solving skills, but that paled into comparison to the beautiful, messy, honest person she was. Tegan loved her because, even when they were alone, discussing things as trivial as office gossip, she made the blood run faster in her veins. She made her feel alive.

Had there been anyone else, anyone better, Tegan might have stepped back and nursed a broken heart until ambition was enough to warm her at night. However, it was abundantly clear that Annalise needed her as much as she wanted to be there for her.

The moment everything changed for Tegan, when she could no longer battle a losing war, was the day Annalise took off her mask, revealed every facet and hidden part of the woman she was. Annamae _and_ Annalise were unveiled, and Tegan exploded. There had been no plan or rehearsal, just desperate urgency. She professed her love and pleaded for love. The warm smile that had graced her face that day, told Tegan she already knew.

Even though she was gently rejected, Tegan was not dismayed because, of course, loving Annalise would be no easier than being her friend; which had been extremely difficult. More than that, in haunted dark eyes, Tegan saw a yearning. Annalise cared for her too, even if she would not take the love offered to her.

Love. Happiness. Respect. Tegan offered everything Annalise only had in brief moments, everything she still battled to believe she deserved. Annalise didn’t believe she knew how to give love in return, and as true as it was, Tegan knew the other woman had the capacity to learn. Thus, she did not take the rejection to heart and instead showed Annalise she could give her the things she needed, proved to her that she was prepared to battle her demons with her. She was there in the darkest times of Annalise’s grief. Losing her former self, Frank and Bonnie, in hastened succession took something Tegan was unsure she would ever retrieve.

In the months following, Annalise engaged in a game of push and pull, until Tegan found herself literally scaling fences to try and get even a moment with her. The more unavailable Annalise became, the harder Tegan tried. Eventually, for a moment, she faltered and began to wonder if perhaps Annalise was too broken to ever accept what she had to offer.

Tegan was starting to accept that Annalise had shunned her out of her life, when she reappeared again, mask-off and begging. A call came and the events following changed everything.

Annalise loved her back, wanted her, battled through her own storm to come find her. Annalise kissed her and surrender to her. It was everything Tegan wanted since the moment the fiery woman stepped through the doors of C&G.

Yet, now, as she stared down at the enigmatic woman asleep in her bed, Tegan was terrified. It was love. That was the feeling hammering in her chest, running the blood through her body, forcing the breath through her lungs. Tegan cared for Annalise with a love she couldn’t control.

“What are you thinking about?”

Annalise’s voice pulled her out of spiralling thoughts.

“You… I know it sounds corny, but it’s the truth.”

Tegan admitted, freely caressing her cheek like she had torturously dreamed of doing a million times before.

“It isn’t corny. It’s… cute.”

Her eyebrows rose in surprise, having never imagine Annalise to ever use those words.

They both chuckled softly at Tegan’s reaction, though the smile fell from her own lips quicker than it did from Annalise’s.

“So, what is it about me you are thinking?” She wondered playfully, although her piercing eyes watched her curiously.

Annalise was able to read people better than anyone she had ever met. It made it almost impossible to lie to her, at least without active preparation beforehand.

“I just-”

She found herself unable to truly explain her thoughts. She was sleep deprived, somewhat shell-shocked and still trying to process the previous night’s events and their consequences.

“Well, I guess what _this_ means for us.”

Tegan didn’t quite know, in the silence of night she had thought of all the reasons they could very quickly fall apart, despite the love they had for one another.

“We could always buy a camper like you said.” She said jokingly.

“I have always wanted to travel the world.”

Tegan observed her inquisitively from the corner of her eye. She feared too much too soon would send Annalise scurrying back to the solitude she had come from.

“What about your career?” She said it nonchalantly but there was justified fear swirling beneath black eyes.

Annalise knew about Cora, that she’d given her up for the job. It only made sense that she probed to see if Tegan might do the same with her.

“Maybe I want to leave the ghosts I see at C&G. If the events of the past have shown me anything, it is, nothing is more important than _living_.”

“Are you convincing me or yourself? You know I would never ask you to give up anything for me.”

Tegan had chased and torn down Annalise’s defences, but it would be entirely foolish to believe nothing might scare her away again, close her off, and Tegan feared for that more than anything. For Annalise was not the only one with terrifying demons.

“I know.” She said vaguely.

Annalise continued to watch her, and now her own frown graced her previously seemingly carefree features. It conjured up something uneasy inside of Tegan.

“Then why are you frowning?”

She could feel the air turn cold around them.

“You’re not the only one that might struggle with this, you know.” She pointed between the two of them.

Understanding dawned on Annalise’s face.

“Now you wonder because I am right in front of you, if this can really work… if maybe I really am too much to handle.”

The older woman looked so fearful Tegan couldn’t help but reach out for her.

“Annalise, I’ve seen beneath the mask and it doesn’t scare me. _You_ don’t scare me.”

A half-smirk formed on one side of her face.

“Maybe it should.”

Annalise studied her a while, and eventually came to the correct conclusions about Tegan’s worries.

“Except, if it’s not my darkness that has you frowning…”

Tegan dropped her gaze, she was starting to hate how easily Annalise seemed to be able to read her. Although, she knew this was exactly what she wanted, someone to really see her.

“…what is it I don’t know about, that you think might scare _me_?”

Tegan didn’t talk about her demons, rarely thought of them, for they were locked in the deepest part of her mind. If she indulged them, she feared the monster beneath her mask was twice as terrifying than Annalise’s.

“You don’t want to know.”

It was unchartered territory for them, and Tegan shifted uncomfortably under an intense gaze.

“Or you don’t want to tell me.” Annalise probed.

She felt a hand at her chin and the other woman coaxed her to meet her eyes.

“You won’t lose me if you tell me the truth.” She said fervidly.

Tegan looked away again, unable to take the pressure. It was not lost on her how the roles had reversed and it was now she who was pushing away.

“How can you be so sure you want this when you’ve spent months actively avoiding me, how can you be here with me now?” She snapped, in weak attempts at changing the subject.

Annalise smiled, one that came from inside and lit up her eyes, and it made Tegan’s heart flutter watching it. She felt foolish when a response came.

“I love you, and I am tired of running from it, so I’m asking you not to do the same.”

Annalise pulled her down to her lips with a grip on Tegan’s neck. Between their melting kisses she realised it was likely going to be a problem that Annalise could lure out whatever she wanted from her with the right placement of soft lips.

Tegan sighed and all previous energy for a fight completely expelled from her.

“Nothing you could tell me could scare me away. I would accept anything about you.” She swore onto her lips.

Tegan manoeuvred to lie down so they were face to face. One hand rested on Annalise’s cheek, and the other sought out a hand beneath the sheets.

Staring into dark eyes, that were so completely open and reassuring, Tegan had little choice but to surrender to her.

“I never told you why I was under Jorge’s thumb before…”

Annalise nodded encouragingly.

“The plane crash was no accident, my family was murdered, I lost them all. I went to the police, but I could not prove it was foul play, and even if I could, New Mexico enforcement are as dirty as they come. In my grief and anger, I turned to Jorge because I wanted the people who did it to suffer…”

“I know a little something about that.” She interrupted.

“We kidnapped the man responsible – and I only wanted him to suffer enough until he confessed. Except, he died, and Jorge covered it up for me. If he hadn’t, I probably would have gone to jail, or at best been disbarred and lost everything. So, I became the Castillo’s lapdog. If they wanted something done, I did it, no matter who it hurt or affected, I did it.”

It was the first time Tegan had spoken about this to anyone, except Cora, who had been there at the time. She never expected to, or even _wanted_ to, but it did not seem so awful with Annalise’s reassuring hand in her own.

However, she had not revealed the events she worried would change everything between them.

“It was me… Laurel and I, after the trial, we- we orchestrated Jorge’s murder. Laurel offered me 100 million dollars to do it, and I didn’t do it for the money, but he knew I was Jane Doe and I knew it was only a matter of time before he would kill me.”

Annalise watched her with surprise. Tegan hated the schooled expression on her face, hated she couldn’t read Annalise true thoughts as easily as she could read hers.

When silence stretched out between them, anxiety built in her chest, and Tegan was deathly afraid she had already given Annalise an excuse to run from her.

“I should have told you, I know that, but then you were dealing with the loss of Frank and Bonnie. It never seemed like the right time and honestly, it already felt like I was losing you, and so I never said anything-”

She rambled desperately until a finger to her lips silenced her.

“I’m not upset with you.” Annalise said.

Stillness settled between them again, as Annalise stared so deeply into her eyes, it felt as if she was literally climbing into her soul.

“But you do think me monstrous.” Tegan concluded.

A dark-skinned hand caressed over her cheek, down her neck, across her collarbone. It was a touch so tender Tegan wanted to cry.

She felt her chin wobble and willed the tears away.

“There’s nothing monstrous about you, Tegan.”

Tegan desperately wanted to believe her, and it was almost easy to with the soft expression on her face and the gentle stroke of her hand. Almost. If hadn’t been for the months of sleepless nights haunted by Jorge Castillo. Some nights he taunted her in her dreams, and even in her waking hours she worried someone else would come for her; his network of loyal servants were as long as his sentence had been.

“What if I am monster and you just refuse to see it? What if what you feel for me is blinding you to me?” Tegan wondered.

Annalise softly kissed the hand she held in hers, telling her she loved her with more than words, and the anxiety she felt began to subside.

“I’ve seen real monsters, laid in bed with them, created and manipulated them. Even though you have done terrible things, Tegan you are good _…_ and what I feel for you, is the reason I know you are not evil. You’ve seen all of me and deemed me lovable. Now, I see you. I see remorse in your eyes, and I feel the suffering in your skin. Still, I _love_ you.”

Tegan had laid out her dirty ugly truth, and Annalise had not even faltered.

She shouldn’t have been surprised that Annalise would understand, would see the light in her darkness. Yet, she was amazed, and with every passing moment, it reinforced the depth of love she herself had for the other woman.

“You love me.” Tegan breathed out, completely comprehending all that had happened in the short few hours.

“I love you...” She repeated.

Annalise loved her, really loved her.

“… and I want to spend every day, of our lives together, making sure you never doubt it.” Annalise admitted with the softest, _dreamiest_ , smile across her face.

Yes, Tegan had never been lucky in love, had searched high and low for it, but now she finally clasped it between her two hands, she would _never_ let it go.

“Annalise?”

She hummed low in her throat though her eyes were trained hungrily at her lips.

“I love you too.”

The response came in the meeting of their lips, “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the lovely comments! I'm going to miss HTGAWM so much but I'd like to continue to dabble in Shondaland, send me some prompt ideas I could write!


	3. Blessings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tegan receives a blessing of the highest order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess it's kind of continuing... I'm seeing where it goes.

** Blessings  **

Tegan stood outside Annalise’s apartment with her hand out ready to knock. Any yet, she faltered when all she had to do was push her hand. She didn’t understand why she was so damn nervous, nothing was new, she had taken Annalise out before and today would be no different. She reasoned with herself as she readjusted and attempted to knock again.

Just as with her first attempt, her hand stopped short and her heart beat against her chest with the force of a thousand drums.

It was only a few days prior Annalise had finally said the words Tegan had wondered would ever come.

_I love you._

It was everything she desired, Annalise was everything she wanted. So, she could not for the life of her understand the strange icy fear that swirled in her chest when she was just about to move towards the woman she had yearned for.

Her panicked spiralling thoughts were interrupted by the door ahead of her flinging wide open and revealing Annalise’s mother, Ms Ophelia.

The smile which spread across the old woman’s face eased her anxiety and the feelings of wanting, yearning and love – love for annalise – flooded to the forefront of her mind and put her together again.

“Hey Ms O, I was just about to knock.” Tegan greeted her, hoping the old woman hadn’t realised how long she had been stood there.

“Mhhmhh…” She hummed as she shot Tegan a knowing look.

As she entered the home, Tegan immediately noticed the boxes and half packed belongings. She was confronted with the very real fact that despite their new established relationship, it did not mean Annalise would stay.

“You must be Eve, you here to take Annamae away again?” Ms Ophelia interrupted.

Tegan was used to her episodes, although the mention of Eve was curious to her. She knew Annalise had been involved with Eve romantically but the true extent of that Annalise had never divulged.

“No Ms Ophelia, it’s me Tegan, I’m here to take Annalise out.”

The elder woman looked confused for a moment before understanding dawned on her face. 

“Of course you are baby, my memory ain’t all it used to be these days.”

“That’s alright, you got your daughters here looking after you and me here to remind you anytime you need.”

Ms Ophelia studied Tegan carefully as she sat down. It made her uneasy for the other woman had never regarded her so intensely before and she wondered exactly what the old woman was thinking.

Although there was no need to wonder, when she heard the words that came from Ms Ophelia next.

“Do you love my daughter?”

Tegan was so surprised at the question that her mouth opened and closed uselessly for a few moments. However, it was not because she had a little to say, in fact it was the opposite, how could she formulate exactly how deeply and stupidly she had fallen in love with Annalise. She had the vocabulary of the best speakers in the country and yet she could not put this one simple and complicated feeling into words.

“I- I do…” She wanted to bury her head for how inarticulate she sounded.

“…I love her.”

The old woman searched her eyes for the truth and Tegan held her gaze, opening herself for scrutiny.

Eventually, she nodded having found whatever she had been searching for.

“Everyday my memory lapses remind me how I’m not going to be here forever. Will you give an old woman a wish?”

Tegan listened intently, it seemed she was receiving something akin to her blessing.

“ I want you love my baby, and care for her – ‘cause god knows she needs it after everything she’s been through. And I know she can be difficult, she’s been that way since she was a child, but don’t give up on her… even when she asks you to.”

“Ms O, I can’t promise you a happily ever after, but I’ll try my damned hardest. I can only love somebody who wants to be loved and if she allows me to I’ll make her happy, I can promise you that.” She swore with a passion so strong it shook her.

A wide smile spread on the other woman’s face and Tegan couldn’t help but return it. This was her mother’s blessing and she held that responsibility above all else, for she knew what her mother meant to Annalise.

“Now, you treat my Annamae good, you hear?”

Tegan laughed endearingly, and she found all past anxieties washed away with every moment waiting for the woman she was sure she would wait a lifetime for.

“I’ll be the perfect gentle-woman Ms Ophelia, I...” 

When Annalise appeared Tegan completely forgot what she had been in the middle of saying. Annalise wore a red playsuit and her hair was up in its afro and she looked positively radiant... and _God,_ Tegan was absolutely done for. 

She was beautifully done up, and Tegan felt like a silly school girl with butterflies swarming in the pit of her stomach. Annalise had made quite the effort, just for _her_ , and Tegan was sure her Cheshire grin probably portrayed just how appreciative she was. 

Tegan was famously known as an expert negotiator, it was her thing, yet in the face of Annalise she was literally unable to form sentences.

When they met eyes Tegan was embarrassed by just how long she had been gawping and looked away to save some face. Yet, it seemed Annalise was blushing as well as she shifted in an uncharacteristically nervous gesture, touching her ear and shifting from one foot to the other.

“I think this is the part you tell her how beautiful she looks.” Ms Ophelia prompted the two women awkwardly gazing at each other like teenagers.

“Oh Momma, stop-“

“Wow.” Tegan interrupted. 

She shut her eyes because she spent a good minute staring at her in awe, and the best she could come up with was, a single sound syllable that even a child could say. 

“I can’t believe you look this beautiful –” She tried again.

“I mean _I can_ – I’m not saying you don’t usually, you’re always beautiful – I just, wow.” She heard herself babbling like a fool and decided to stop talking altogether.

Though when she looked up Annalise was smiling at her softly. Dark eyes gently gazing back at her with a light Tegan had never seen before.

Something was different and it elated and terrified her all at the same time.

“You look beautiful, Annalise.”

She was never any good at accepting compliments, always expertly deflecting, but this time the words initiated that heart-stopping smile of hers. Tegan would happily spend the rest of her life worshipping this woman if it meant seeing that smile again, and again, and again.

Ms Ophelia tutted at Annalise’s response.

“Are you two goin’ to need me to come along and tell you what say– Annalise tell Tegan how lovely she looks.”

At her words, Celestine appeared to usher her away.

“Momma you leave them be. It’s time to go to bed.”

“Thank God!” Annalise muttered under breath as she reached for Tegan to rush them out of the apartment.

They called out their goodbyes through a shutting door. 

Tegan couldn’t help but laugh, Ms Ophelia was adorable and watching Annalise out of her comfort zone was fun from time to time.

The pair stood outside the door with mischievous grins reflected on their faces. 

“You know, I was kind of hoping you would be on your worst behaviour tonight...” Annalise said playfully, eyes roving down Tegan’s body, and no mistaking her intent. 

There was an unexpected energy radiating from Annalise tonight, and it was entirely intoxicating. She was once again reminded just how many layers there was to this woman. 

Annalise was on her A game tonight, was as prepared for this date as her supreme justice case. It stirred something warm and giddy inside of Tegan and emboldened her to take exactly what she wanted. And she wanted Annalise with every cell in her body. 

Despite the initial nervousness and panic; Tegan was fully prepared to play this game with her, a little cat and mouse, though Tegan was no prey. She boldly took a step into Annalise’s personal space, snaked an arm around her waist, and leaned in slowly like she was going to kiss her, then at the last moment evaded her lips to whisper into the other woman’s ear. She paused and watched the effect it had on Annalise; observed her chase the never given touch, felt her breath hitch ever so slightly.

“I have no intention of being gentlewomanly.” She whispered lowly, with a victorious smirk on her face.

Annalise laughed before Tegan pulled them away toward the car.

“So where are you taking me?”

“It’s an easy guess.”

Annalise laughed.

“So does this make it our first date or second?”

“Most definitely the first.”

There were so many things she wanted to do that first night she didn’t - couldn’t do. Now, Tegan had Annalise and there was nothing stopping her showing her exactly what she meant when she promised her happiness.

**Author's Note:**

> Wondering if I should continue or if I should leave it alone before I hurt my own feelings? :)


End file.
